Goodbye Facebook


Let’s get something straight: This is not a Facebook hate post.

That being said, I’m running a little experiment of disabling my Facebook account. Why you ask?

I first joined Facebook to stay in contact with a group of friends I’d met through an online direct sales forum. I was quitting direct sales and no longer visited the forum, but wanted to stay in touch with the friends I’d met there. They were my very first “internet friends” and meant a lot to me, even though I could no longer really relate to their threads any longer. These friends saw me through one of the most challenging times of my life, when money was short and my relationship was in the toilet. Next I had a few “real life”  friends sign up and suddenly I had this beautiful, amazing walled garden where I could let it all out , carefree. I ranted, I raved, I cried, I shouted, I giggled – early on this core group saw an unfiltered version of me.

Then the high school acquaintances, professional connections and more distant family members found me. I made a decision early on to largely keep my professional contacts off Facebook. I’m glad I did so, but my posts became more and more filtered as the “Friend” list increased. Now, they were all getting the facade, the highlights because I donned the “happy” mask. My closer friends were still caught the true story through instant messaging, text messaging and phone calls, but Facebook gave us a new, shared way to communicate with each other.

Facebook was a way to enhance our communication rather than replace it. I felt sublimely connected to my friends and enjoyed reading their posts about what they were doing, seeing pictures of what they were eating and  in general experiencing their lives with them. The great part? We all commented back and forth on each other’s updates and photos. Our conversations spilled over from real life and into the digital realm. All in all, we grew closer as the vines of our lives intertwined and grew together, using Facebook as the connecting fertilizer.

Then something changed.

I can’t place the blame on my friends. The Facebook algorithms prioritize who’s in my Newsfeed and now it’s filled with memes, reshares and fluff. Instead of seeing real updates from my friends, I see content that doesn’t even remotely relate to me. Here’s a classic example: I simply thought one of my friends just didn’t use Facebook very often. One evening, over pizza and wine she’s telling me about a breakup and a poem she posted. I never saw the poem. When I visited her Timeline I realized she had been posting every day and it never once showed up in my Newsfeed. Instead I see a photo of someone I don’t know; gliding down my Newsfeed simply because one of my friends “liked” it and the original poster doesn’t have their privacy settings in place. And don’t get me started on privacy settings, that’s an entirely different collection of posts.

Facebook has become less personal.

Conversing with a friend, I start to share a story I’d earlier posted on Facebook. Since she didn’t comment or “like” the post I guessed she hadn’t yet seen it. Instead, she cuts me short: “Yeah, I saw your post on Facebook.” And that was it. No dialog, no joy at conversing with each other, just friends passively watching each other from a distance. I’m guilty, I’ve done it too. We’ve become quiet ships, passing by in the dark silence of the night.

I’ve made a decision.

I no longer want my friends to have this passive peepshow into my life and I don’t want to have the same view of theirs. I want us to talk. I want a personal email. I want to find a way to share photos in a way that encourages us to talk about them with each other. I want to chortle over sushi about the random events and cry together over wine when heartbreak attacks. In short, I want my friends back. The only way I can do that is to cut the cord.

  1. Just what I was thinking too.. The algo blows away any semblance of connecting, and just ties to sell stuff to you!!

    AdvertBook or StalkerBook? I don’t know, but I am unhappy with it

    Thanks for the post, shared on Google+

    • Thank you and thank you!

      • First learn how to use Facebook …
        you can set WHAT to see from your friends. You can check “only important updates” or “all updates” or else.

      • I do know how to use Facebook. It’s not necessarily about what I see, it’s about the lack of interaction with my friends. I’m well aware of how to use the controls. I shouldn’t have to tweak it so much, it’s part of the problem of the platform. I have my friends to “All Updates”, FB still prioritizes what comes up at the top and you have to manually change it to “most recent” every time you log in.

        • tunetosuraj
        • June 28th, 2012

        It’s not about how to use Facebook. I know how to use Facebook but I don’t wanna monitor my posts for my 200 and counting friends.
        I don’t really have time for that. As your online friends increases you have author to set priority for every one… Also I agree with the author that Facebook timeline had become less meaningful and it’s more about memes.
        Good post, at this point I can’t really get off Facebook but I know time will come. :-)

      • Jordi
      • June 28th, 2012

      Are you kidding us? Google+ is the same concept.

        • Anonymous
        • June 28th, 2012

        I did not see a g+ reference anywhere in her post.

      • Nope, you didn’t! This wasn’t a Facebook vs. G+ post. I do use G+ extensively but not with my personal friends. This was a post about how my “real life” friends and I are no longer connecting on a personal level. Since posting this, 3 of them have already contacted me to make plans to see me. That was exactly what I wanted.

      • Retard alert.

      • I’m not using G+ to connect with my friends. This isn’t a G+ vs. Facebook post. This is a commentary on how my friends and I were friends before Facebook. I don’t need Facebook to maintain those friendships.

      • This is what shows up in the little descriptive blurb under the google search result linking to the page.

        “I was forced to be friend with strangers just because my close friends … This is exactly why I’m in the process of moving off Facebook to Google+. … Now, if only, I could persuade my facebook friends to move over..at least the …”

        that’s where the g+ reference came from.
        FYI

  2. I don’t think I am to the point of disabling it, but everything you said is true. I noticed it with birthdays. I wasn’t wishing people happy birthday because I remembered. I did it because there was a little present at the top of my page.
    I still find value in it, but I don’t use it as much as I used to. Great post. Love your blog! You always have good topics and thoughts. Thanks for sharing!

    • Thank you! I just want to be more personal, with a smaller, tighter circle.

        • sebphfx
        • June 28th, 2012

        I’ve been thinking the same thing and I recently closed my account. But the thing with Facebook is, it’s easy to use. I thought about starting a Diaspora pod. You control everything, like Facebook but you can bring only people you want. It’s more work though.So, I think for a certain group of people like me, the future resides in Platforms like Diaspora. More personal, tighter, smaller circles and no publicity!!

        • Anonymous
        • July 9th, 2012

        thats what text and phone calls are for….. sooner or later everything on the net will be seen if some one wants to see it yo. if your friends were true pals you wouldnt be on WORLD WIDE WEB!!! trying to chat. do you know how many people are on the Face Book? more then we know I sure. Now that a few frinds have contacted you, do the same with all of them k.

      • I actually made it a point to download all their email addresses before closing the account, so that I could do just that – contact them. I did a follow up post about it.

  3. Well. On the personal side, I found my 20+ years classmates on Facebook. Now we mainly communicate on Facebook private group. So we have our own space to chat with each others.

    I also agree that the timeline and news feeds is getting nasty. I was forced to be friend with strangers just because my close friends introduce them to me. I end up receiving all kind of sales pitches and LIKE requests.

    Don’t forget that Facebook is now promoting paid post, which will make it worst.

    Well. On the business side, the FB Business Groups and Fanpages only generate a small return. The time I put into Facebook is not a great investment. However, I do get some great contacts and clients.

    I do believe that G+ is the same. However, G+ does allows you to read the update from only those who you added to your circles.

    I can’t cut off Facebook just yet, but I did enjoy my 7 days and 14 days without Facebook experiment. It was great to have a real life. ;)

    Here is the reality. How many billionaires spending time Facebook? I believe most of them are still rely on a single phone call or email to get their job done and to build their relationship.

    Honestly, I believe Facebook is for the 99%, who hates the 1%. ;)

    Just my 2cents.

    • Terence, I’d say that most truly wealthy have no use for Facebook. Instead, they’re putting up road blocks to keep people form communicating with them.

      In the last few years I have reconnected with long lost people and that has been of great value to me. I don’t discount what I’ve gained from it. I’m just no longer seeing that same ROI.

      And, in the mean time, I’ve picked up an enormous online public presence. Now, if an old friend Googles me, it’s easy for them to find me. That wasn’t true 5 years ago. So my needs have evolved.

      • Anonymous
      • June 28th, 2012

      Great way to put ut

    • Taram
    • June 27th, 2012

    This is exactly why I’m in the process of moving off Facebook to Google+. Google+ doesn’t filter things… I see whatever the people I’ve chosen to circle post, unfiltered and un-‘algorhythmd’. I’m baffled why FB would even try that stunt with us.

    Thankfully Google seems to ‘get it’ and is giving us more ways to interconnect than ever before and I love it.

    Great post which explains exactly why I’ve chosen to cut Facebook out of my life as well.

    • Thank you, it’s just harder and harder to connect. It feels like the “frictionless sharing” just makes us complacent. I didn’t even BEGIN to delve into the privacy issues that Facebook presents either.

      • macho mweemba
      • June 28th, 2012

      You know what people? I thnk you are compaigning for G+ to win more popularity than facebook. There is a saying that goes, ‘if you are powerful and dominating, people will always talk about you.
      Am not saying this in support of FB or G+. What our comrade has posted about FB is very true in my opinion.

      • I don’t mention G+ anywhere on this post. This is about me trying to reconnect with my friends. Substituting one social network for another does nothing to accomplish that goal.

    • bradspace
    • June 27th, 2012

    I was just going through this today. I couldn’t have put it any more succinctly. I too will be moving on from FB soon. Thank you for the great post!

  4. You are one of my favorite G+ experiences :D

    Thank you for being you!

    • Derek
    • June 27th, 2012

    Very well articulated article. Those are some of the same reasons I wish to leave Facebook. (others being that I’m strictly a mobile user and the Facebook app is very bloated and slow) the only thing that keeps me tied down is a few friends who still have FB but refuse to get G+.

  5. Good bye dear friend.

    • Anonymous
    • June 27th, 2012

    Well said. Now, if only, I could persuade my facebook friends to move over..at least the one that matter..

    • Paul Moreira
    • June 27th, 2012

    Nicely written! I have to agree with you. I noticed it myself but didn’t pay to much attention to it. I mainly use Google+ as my social media website now. But I still find it a little hard to completely switch over to Google+. My friends and family are still on facebook and most of them do not like change. They rather stay where they are and not find the time to figure out how Google+ works. After this post, it made me realize that I would have to someday put my foot down and completely switch over. If my friends want to message me they can come to Google+ or call me. Thank you for this post on Google+ =).

    • Anonymous
    • June 27th, 2012

    You wrote exactly how I have been feeling. Thank You!

  6. This is why I use lists because it doesn’t seem like the edgerank applies there and allows me to filter the feed.. FB is starting to feel more like myspace in it’s last days though, impersonal.

    • Hmm actually it does still use the algorithm on lists I just never noticed since they are smaller groups. I don’t know why they would think that deciding what I would like to see based off of interactions is a good idea. Now with all the pages dedicated to “like this if” posts that get a very high edgerank score due to all the mindless people who click them, it’s all I ever see in the main feed.

    • LT
    • June 27th, 2012

    Here’s an interesting perspective: I went through the exact same thought process (last year +/- a few days), and ended up deleting every single person on my friend list. This way, I’d have no ‘reactivate’ button, and what I did was permanent.

    Now yes, I have used other social media in the meantime, but the communication is — to some degree — personal. In addition, when I physically meet friends I haven’t spoken to in years, the experience is great. I get to find out first-hand what they’ve been up to over the years, without having scanned through their vacation pictures the night before.

    There have been a few drawbacks, though. Post-FB, I was no longer being invited to events, friends were unwilling to go out of their way to call/email/text me. I lost touch with acquaintances simply because their names faded from memory. I also had a negative backlash from individuals who thought I deleted them out of spite.

    I’ve since resolved to change my approach, and have started accepting requests from people I have no other way of contacting (i.e. phone, other networking sites). Seems to work well, though I often get asked how I got Facebook in 2007 and still only have 50 friends!

  7. I am not going to even get started with Facebook.. The only account I have is for downloading music from those small bands don’t have a record label or are selling it anywhere. But have a download link on their Facebook profile. I do have a Google+, and I really like Google as a whole company and all of their products that they make.. So as long as Google+ doesn’t go the direction that Facebook has, we should be okay! :)

  8. Thanks for sharing. I cut my teeth on Twitter, and just a toddler on FB. I can understand your dilemma. My wife’s account is private, compared to mine, perhaps dropping the indirects could help.

  9. I have to say, I’ve been really impressed with the G+ interface. All your points ring true. For the people who are hesitant to switch because “all their friends are on Facebook”, I have to agree with Paul Moreira. I’ll take it a step further.

    Facebook is counting on the “switching cost” to prevent a mass shift. However, if G+ is to thrive, and maybe even someday supplant Facebook at the social media leader, some will have to lead that charge.

    I haven’t fully transitioned, so by definition I’m not at the very front of the charge, but among my friends, I may end up being the first. I am keeping a close eye on developments.

    One other point: I’ve created a significant amount of reach and engagement on Facebook for my new indie documentary, At Fest, primarily because of Facebook. Managing and executing yet another social media effort would increase the work load by another 25% to 40%, and I’m not sure the ROI is there.

    Great article–thank you.

    P.S. I love how the “Log In” options for this blog include Facebook, Twitter, and WordPress, but not G+. :)

    At Fest trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L43MEdBhcG8

  10. perfect

  11. I think I was among the first to publicly say that FB was going down the drain. And now I see all these people like you reacting that way, I know I made the right decision to stick with Twitter and Google+. I have been telling my students that the newsfeed no longer gives us a glimpse of what our friends share — and that if you want to experience great conversations, you have to go on Google+. The newsfeed is more like a trash can now.

    Thank you for taking the time to write this post!

      • Leah
      • June 28th, 2012

      I understand your thoughts here, but I think there are some unhelpful generalisations and I also wonder if you haven’t learnt from our experience with Facebook. You have to go on Google+ to experience real conversations? I have Google+ and quite like it (it’s much better for displaying photos than Facebook) but I have a lot more friends on FB. I have better conversations on FB than G+. Also in 5 years people will be saying the same about G+ as they are now about FB. Already my feed on G+ is just as full of memes and shares and +1s as my FB feed is. This is not G+ or FB’s fault, it’s the fault of your friends and how they use G+ or FB. The G+ newsfeed has just as much potential to be filled with rubbish as your FB feed. In fact that is why, when I first signed up to G+, I didn’t spend much time on it. It was 95% +1s for websites and articles I had little interest in, and no personal updates or information. I found it boring. Now that more of my friends have joined up and use it ‘better’ (in my terms) – posting photos, etc – I spend a bit more time on there.

    • Anonymous
    • June 27th, 2012

    Glad to hear someone else has the same thought. I seldom use Facebook and now use G+ almost all the time.

    • I’ve been thinking exactly the same thing about Facebook for some time now. I’m ready to reconnect with my real friends and dump all of the not so social contacts.

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    Wow you are so right.

    • ZayZay
    • June 28th, 2012

    Wow… theres a reason I shouldnt have a FB account.

    • chris
    • June 28th, 2012

    Perfect.

  12. Let it be…let it be…
    I remember a song,sang as above.
    So,take it or leave it,let it be.

  13. I’m glad to see people with this mentality. I deleted my facebook as soon as timeline came out, for the exact same reasons you mentioned. I was tired of seeing all of this useless information about people whom I barely know.

    • You have pin pointed where it ‘changed’ and the relationship has withered to meaninglessness . Timeline did it . Cheers

  14. I just dnt enjoy being on fb its less entertaining for me

    • Harry
    • June 28th, 2012

    Nicely written. Well done. But aren’t you gonna invite your fb friends to gplus…???

    • I left them with a variety of ways to contact me. I don’t want to push them into another social network to devolve into the same mentality. I’d really much rather have personal conversations with them. I have my public G+ persona that they can interact with, but for the nitty details of my life I’d rather go grab dinner with them.

        • Anonymous
        • June 28th, 2012

        I have to agree with you techsavvybutterfly, staying off of facebook, or even google plus or even the internet allows us to reconnect with those around us. By leaving contact information for those you want to connect with in real life…awesome. I myself have a handful of net friends who contact me in real life and to me that means more than a “hi how ya doing” on your facebook wall. We have other ways to connect to each other…..Call me, email me….skype with me….come see me and lets have lunch! Thanks for sharing TSButterfly!

  15. I’ve been working in China for the last 10 years. Prior to that I worked in 5 other countries. The government blocked access to both Facebook and Google+ a few years ago. I have only JUST managed to reconnect using a VPN I picked up when I went to Hong Kong a month ago.

    Since then, I have reconnected with my parents and sister (15 years since last contact), children (20 years since last contact (Kidnapped by mother and taken out of the country as infants), and business friends I made over a 20 year career prior to the last 10 years.

    Yeah, I suppose if you are using it to talk to the guy down the street and co-workers as a substitute for going out for a drink after work or talking about your high school reunion 8 blocks over, you have a point.

    Me, I am talking to my friend, a Lama in Bodh Gaya, India who is also a native of Bhutan.

    It’s all about what you do with the tools you are given.

    When trivia takes the place of a handshake, kiss or a hug … you’ve lost something.

    When it puts your family back together … you’ve gained … a lot.

    • Reconnecting was one of the earliest benefits I gained on Facebook and was one of the main things that kept me around. These days I’m relatively easy to find and so are the others from my past. The ability to track down a person has changed dramatically in the last 5 years. I don’t need Facebook for this any more and I’m no longer getting what I want from it. I’m glad that it’s doing that for you and I hope your connections there continue to be personal and interesting.

    • kamal
    • June 28th, 2012

    I agree with your words. Doesnt really matter what /who cross the boundary…excess of eveything is bad. It also happens when you start calling a friend too often. Phone than increases the distance. Missmanaged tour, or joining some people on tour sometimes maked us loose that internal energy. We think it shouldnt have been in first place. But we fail to recognize that almost always its a boundary stepped over. Excitement with new friends…or newly increased contact medium is thr main cause in almost all cases. Facebook is just one name. People got sick of hotmail too.

  16. Facebook’s dirty little secret is that it is hacked at a systems level by a hostile to the USA intelligence service ( possibly the Russian Foreign Intelligence Service ) or a major criminal organization. The hackers are Islamonazis / Islamofascists or fellow travelers. Furthermore, Facebook Moderation attempts to hide the hacking is happening by gagging users if they refer to it and there is a double lock on Facebook content as if a user realizes that Facebook is hacked and is making political points the hackers do not approve of and the user is aware of the limitations of the hackers abilities to censor Facebook content and configures their posting to work around the hacking based censorship, then Facebook Moderation usually jumps in to the situation by kicking the user off Facebook.

  17. “Facebook has become less personal.” – I can’t help but agree.

    Great post!

  18. Absolutely fantastic post.

    • abi
    • June 28th, 2012

    Thanks for putting this out there. I cancelled my facebook too because of this, I felt that my friends were making less effort to check up on me in real life like call my phone, visit, etc They were using facebook to occasionally comment or chat and it was becoming more and more convenient for them to do than to actually put in more effort and call and converse. I would make the effort to call and visit most of the time. Facebook makes people put less effort in real friendships. So i took my facebook down to see who my real friends are, who will check up on me and actually wonder about me. If nobody does, well then now i know who they really are. I will not be turning it back on just so they can have a peepshow into my life.

    • The flip side is that we also have to make it a point to call and check up on the ones that matter to us. We can’t leave it entirely in their court.

  19. It HAS become less personal! Just yesterday I was telling myself that something was really wrong with this newsfeed. Its just memes and other irrelevant pics rhat have nothing to do with me. In fact I only use Facebook for the MobWars game and a class discussion via messages. And thats because I can no longer follow friends’ updates….normally at least.

  20. I understand you so much. I have stopped posting anything on Facebook. It seems that all I get are invitations to games and apps.

  21. What a great read! Definitely sharing to G+!

    I agree with pretty much everything you’ve said. I was wondering if You knew that as you can hide posts from certain people on Facebook (and G+, for that matter), they can also hide things from you. So now, it just seems like just going on Facebook is a chore.

    It sucks because not many people I know decided to flock to Google Plus yet, and I’d really enjoy a 9-person Hangout with old friends from High School. It would be entertaining, to say the least.

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    hm …i’m too g0nna deactivate d facebook account,c0z i want my frndz back.

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    Well, I received this through Google and this means that there is more unwanted mail on Google than on Facebook. So I agree, FB is not the ultimate place but all considered, others are worse. You won’t find me on Google + for these reasons.

    • miguelsilva247
    • June 28th, 2012

    Congrats, well done. The way Facebook thinks they know better what you want to read is a true let down. I just quit myself for that and many other reasons: http://www.silvar.net/blog/social/the-day-i-quit-facebook/

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    I recently reactivated my page after a lil over a month what i found is that my friends were forced to call me and see whats up, these are ppl who were once close friends whose voices were replaced with text on f.b, f.b is what u make it, yes we can put ppl in certain group so their stats & photo updates come into ur notifications but why should i have to dabble thru my whole friends list to do this…. Even after I delete someone their updates still show up i have to once again go to their page and un subscribe its made so hard to even delete someone so now i adjusted all my settings and unsubscribed to alot of unnecessary ppls updates I realize that I just have to call mu friends not just rely on social networking

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    Hear! Hear! Bravo!
    Facebook is fading fast…just look at the stock.
    Many of the social sites, FB, LinkedIn, etc, have become ruined when the owners focused more on the money then the product.

    • Luzette
    • June 28th, 2012

    Dear Stephanie,

    I want to commend you for this post. This article of yours is very timely. I deactivated my Facebook account a week ago and I am happy because I found this on Google+. To be honest, I have withdrawal feelings but I believe I just did the right thing. I also feel what you felt and your experience with Facebook is almost the same as mine. You really got the point: “Facebook has become less personal.”

    And what I notice in Facebook is people just ignore you. They have this “Anyway, she’s always available. I can contact her anytime” inside. I am guilty in that too. The effort in reaching for someone is gone.

    Facebook has become a gateway for stalkers and it also became very tiring to filter my posts. “Who will only see this, who will not, etc etc. paranoia”

    I also find it awkward, for example, when meeting an acquaintance in the “real world”, I would greet him casually but I know what are his rants, the interior of his room, what he loves to eat, etc etc. Really weird. Nothing beats personal interaction. No to electronic friendships.

    • Luzette, thank you! I think the key thing for us now is to show our friends that we still care about them and do our own reaching out as well. Show them we’d rather have lunch with them then read their rants and see their room interiors. I’ve had 3 friends already contact me to setup time to catch up but I have a task ahead of me of personally reaching out to those most important to me.

    • Michelle Lynch (@lynchonthego)
    • June 28th, 2012

    I disagree. Facebook has become more personal-ized….IF you take the time to personalize it. If you want information to just fall into your lap and for some algorithm to read your mind then you have set your expectations too high. Facebook can be as streamlined or as cluttered as you want it to be. Take some time to get acquainted with your security settings and then take a few minutes to prune them each week. This reminds me of the people who have ridiculously packed desktops screens…you live a cluttered life, don’t blame that on the technology…user error is user error. (Full Disclosure: I do not work for Facebook. I am a student in Mass Communication)

    • I’m actually quite savvy with the controls, the lists, etc. The problem is that my friends aren’t. I don’t want to spend time pruning each week just to stay in touch with my friends. We were friends before Facebook and I don’t need the site to maintain those friendships. I don’t just use Facebook as a vanilla setting, I’ve done all the tweaks. It doesn’t change the fact that my friends don’t tweak, don’t see posts, stopped interacting and stopped being personal with me. Your experience can be very different, but my friends and I have drifted and I’m going to force us to stop lurking at each other online and start talking to each other instead.

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    I am using both, FB and G+. I have moved from FB to G+, found it much more easier to use, controllable and to put simply, just like it. But that said, I have gone back to FB for one reason only – all of my friends are on FB. Posts here are interesting, different and it is great to communicate with people you don’t know, but still I am missing my personal friends that are on FB.

    • I’m not giving up one network for another. I use G+ differently and don’t really interact with personal friends there. Having them move to G+ won’t solve the problem that it’s all too easy to digitally watch each other’s lives rather than living them together.

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    I deactivated my account a few days ago and a complete panic broke out among my real friends! They thought something must be wrong with me for I was always online…
    I really gave me some peace to think about FB and I decided to come back as some people really do care for me and show on on but also outside FB!!

  22. Everybody wants to be famous in facebook. Everybody wants their photos to be liked and commented. The more a person becomes famous in facebook, the more he/she is likely to be approached when met face to face. Whereas they may not be as interesting or otherwise in their real lives.

    • Nanci Wylde
    • June 28th, 2012

    The idea of Facebook being personal is not realistic. I disabled my Facebook account over a year ago. I think Mark Zuckerburg has way too much control over people’s lives on Facebook. I don’t trust him at all.

    • Siphr
    • June 28th, 2012

    Congratulations on your awakening and welcome to the flip side. :)

  23. good and valid thoughts, experineces of many other ex-FBers too!

  24. I wasn’t too sure why i deactivated my facebook account now i’ve found the reason

  25. I quit FB about three weeks ago and it’s all for the same reasons you posted here. I had to post this article on my FB (yep, logged in to post it lol) to at least explain why.

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    You’ve nailed it once again! Thanks

    • Defriend Chopra
    • June 28th, 2012

    ha. they both suck. they’re both working hand-in-glove with our nacent police state here in America. I still use them but I never use my real name or post family pictures. of course it helps that I’m a bit of an artist and a troll. except for a few facebreaks (1 month twice, 6 months once) I’ve been on since 2007. I think the only reason the (currently) 800 friends i have now even stick around is the comedy/trainwreck aspect of what I post. defriends for a single post have gone as high as 45. that was a truly great day.

  26. I live in the country and was new to the Internet for the start of ’10 — and I HATE Facebook!! It’s Awful. It’s nothing but a MASSIVE Waste of one’s Life & Time and it’s NOT Private or “comfortable” feeling (-one-feels-stressed-&-on-Display-at-All-times!!-)(-&- it’s just tooo-much Useless stuff to “keep-up-with”) & I can’t find the DISLIKE buttons Anywhere!! (lol)(-but-I’m-Serious-where-the-fk-are-they!?-) — Any-way, Thank-You for your Post today. I won’t be continuing with FB. (- Besides the HUGE Waste of one’s Time that it IS — it’s also just All Advertising & Judgements & Stress Anyway).

  27. I’d be curious to know if quicktopic could work for you. It’s a simple single-threaded message board, like having a private Facebook group for messages.

    • Stacey
    • June 28th, 2012

    Hello, dear sister. You may or may not have noticed that 4 or 5 days ago I disabled Facebook myself. In my case, I quit “using” many months ago and experienced a wave of relief since I was no longer required to comment on other peoples’ business all the time. It helped relieve some of the stress I’d put on myself to keep up with EVERY SINGLE PERSON I’VE EVER MET. Ever.

    In short, I support your decision. Remember, fortune favors the bold.

    Muah!

    • Cat Rusher
    • June 28th, 2012

    Ive been feeling this way for a while and wondering “is it me?”

    Great blog, thanks for sharing.

    • joe
    • June 28th, 2012

    And now you know why many have left Facebook for google+.

  28. I’ve always maintained that fb is a place for a person to be validated, by comments & likes of their posts. I started out accepting all sorts of friend requests & sending out requests just because I knew someone. Now, I slowly whittle down my list every so often. If we’re not communicating on a regular basis, why be “friends”. I’m new to Google+, so it’s slow going for me. I’m not sure how “anti-establishment” Google+ is, but I’m willing to give it a go… even if my mother is the only one currently using it!

    • sabrine
    • June 28th, 2012

    I like that idea. Facebook took away your facebook took away your friemds. Why stay on it

    • PRJoslin
    • June 28th, 2012

    “The only way I can do that is to cut the chord.”

    Not sure if it’s a typo or a subtle allusion to Newsfeed’s discordant nature. Facebook used to be an extended Jazz riff shared with friends; now it feels like a dozen symphonies at once, with a conductor deciding what you get to hear.

    • It was a grammar mistake, but I absolutely love the analogy you drew from it. Really, truly beautiful.

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    I don’t think all these is Facebook fault . Facebook is here to facilitate your communication not too replace the phone or the post office . for example Facebook doesn;t stop you to send a birthday card or call a friend this is more
    personnel problems.

    • That’s why I prefaced this with, this isn’t a Facebook hate post. I’m not blaming Facebook. I’m blaming the laziness of myself and my friends. :)

    • Alireza Bakhshi
    • June 28th, 2012

    HEY!
    MY FRIEND!
    Thanks for sharing.
    1:I’m Sorry For Your Bad Times.
    2:YES! You’re Right.
    Although Facebook Has Became More Personalized BUT I Believe You Did The Right Thing.

    • Richard
    • June 28th, 2012

    I completely agree, I have gotten to the point to where I hardly ever get on Facebook anymore. We just don’t realize how many people prey on our personal info, and how many problems it can cause. And facebook is a perfect way for a predator to learn everything about a person, I really worry about the younger generation that thrive on how many “friends” they really have that they are sharing their

    • jerry peterson
    • June 28th, 2012

    I know how you feel

  29. i’m thinking of disabling my Facebook account for long time but it’s kind of not all friends on the other networks like Google+ or Twitter.but i’m sure that i’ll do it soon.

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    Facebook did change their algorithm to include things completely unrelated to you (i.e. a friend comments on a post on _their_ wall from some other friend i don’t know, and it shows up on my feed).

    To combat this, I have been aggressively ‘Unsubscribing from Comments and Likes’ and after a few days my news feed has returned to the way it used to be.

  30. lets http://joindiaspora.com or go to relevant places like http://wordpress.com

    • Susie
    • June 28th, 2012

    You can also make some changes to the way you use Facebook if you’re not certain you want to close your page. You can edit the people who appear in your newsfeed to weed out the ones you don’t need updates on. Make a post that you’re paring down your friend list to your closest friends and family and then go on and unfriend all those acquaintances you don’t want to be connected to. Creating a group with your closest friends is a great way to be able to communicate and share things you don’t want your greater circle reading about. And you can always just share less on Facebook so that you can have more to share in person. We all have to filter our posts based on who we’re friends with. I don’t think Facebook functions for anyone as an unfiltered mind-dump. After all, the best way to be boring is to say everything. FB is for sharing the little things you don’t mind putting out there. It doesn’t have to get in the way of real friendships, it’s all in the way you use it.

    • Chris
    • June 28th, 2012

    I started to delete so called friends or friends of friends just to see if anybody would notice my friends list was about 85 people then it kept getting smaller then i got into deleting family members then my close family and then finally i closed my facebook account what was sad was my wife hadnt even realized i was gone

    • Bill (Retired NYCPD Detective)Post 911)
    • June 28th, 2012

    Wow,What more can i add? Seems everyone Hit the Nail on the Head Facebook will be Obselete as soon as more & more users switch to Google+. I was never much of a Facebooker but i do have an account, I dont want strangers knowing my personal information,As we all know there are lots of “WEIRDOS”in the world today. We really need to take a few minutes out of our busy lives and watch our children on Social Media,Our children become most vulnerable to “WEIRDOS” on the internet. After looking more into Google+ i will definitly be making the change.On the other hand my wife is Addicted to Facebook and i think it causes more arguements in our life than any other subject.Facebook is like a secret B/F OR G/F to many people,As they can hide information that you cant view,I feel Facebook has destroyed many lives in this decade.Before Social Media was born, The cheating & divorce rate was probably at a record low,Then Social Media was born and Relationships started being destroyed by a click of a mouse,Who would of ever thought this would happen 20 years ago?.I personally have seen families & relationships torn apart by Facebook.I am in no way saying Facebook or any other Social Media Network is responsible for breakups as its all up to the individual person to make their own decisions.Social media just adds fuel to the fire.Facebook is the Mecca of Social Networking and when people are looking for someone the first name that pops up is Facebook,As its a household name these days.

      • thinkndev
      • June 28th, 2012

      Agreed. Social media is inherently destructive.

  31. The very reason I use Lists in Facebook. :-)

  32. If I could recommend Path, an app-only, more intimate social network.

    Its positioning is pretty much spot on: more intimate inner circle and I find it personally perfect to use in co-existence of Facebook (inclusive) and Twitter (push-platform).

    It allows you a maximum of 150 friends – a number I don’t see myself reaching anytime soon, whilst very much surpassing that number on FB and Twitter.

    To be clear, I have no shares or will be in no way benefitted by you joining Path – but I thought it would be stupid not to mention it.

    • Path was one of the alternatives I offered my friends for staying in touch with me, but ideally I’d like to substitute with “real life” interaction. Lunch, dinner, drinks, a phone call, etc.

      • Anonymous
      • June 28th, 2012

      Absolutely agree with Path. It has rekindled my relationships with my BEST friends. We are on opposite sides of the county, and now we communicate more than we did in the same city.

    • Pate
    • June 28th, 2012

    chord -> cord

    • Andrea Bascelli
    • June 28th, 2012

    Hello there! My problem with FB is that it no longer recognizes my password, and keeps telling me to log in at my computer, which is nonfunctional. So, I’m continuing with emails and websites that I have joined.
    My FB page seemed to be all right. My criteria is/was specific, and my friends are of like mind to me. I got rid of classmates early on because my past wasn’t so great, and because I didn’t want to clutter up my FB account. But this password stuff! It’s the same p.w. I’ve been using for nine months! What gives? I tried everything-althernate pw, new account, reset several times, and FB refused its own pw number. Three times! So, I’ll have to go to the library, and use their computers. I guess. What do you think?

  33. Yeah this just sounds like you don’t know how to use Facebook properly so it doesn’t overwhelm you with bullshit. Use “Close Friends” to get notified when your friends post on Facebook, or don’t. I think Facebook is best used to keep in touch with folks who you don’t see ever, not the people all around you that you do/can see every weekend or day.

    I wish Facebook let you “whitelist” your Close Friends list so you can ONLY see their updates, and no one elses.

  34. I AM SLONE

    • dannyzawacki
    • June 28th, 2012

    Hey, this was a great post. I think it really got at the core of why people leave Facebook. We want the intimate. We want to have connections with people again, not be merely connected to people.

    Last November I cut the cord. I went cold turkey and it was both the easiest and hardest thing I’ve done. It was easy because it was one less thing that I had to do a day (and I made it possible by blocking Facebook completely on my computer) but it was hard because I’m abroad in the Peace Corps now and that cord was my connection to life back home. I realized that I’d miss out on a lot of what would happen but I decided that’s how life is. You don’t need to know everything about everything. You need to connect with people who are important to you.

    Feel free to take a look at my post, or not. Just know that we’re the ones who’ll be happy and those on Facebook will look at us and wonder why.

    My post: http://sassyhacksaws.com/2011/10/23/why-i-choose-to-leave-facebook/ (I hope it’s okay that I’m posting the link here, if not, please edit it out)

    • I don’t mind the link back, it’s pertinent and on topic and I agree with your reasoning completely. I don’t need to see the daily minutiae of my friends lives to stay friends with them. I’d rather hear about what’s going on with them face to face.

    • Russ L’Rogue
    • June 28th, 2012

    Previous posts reflect my general thoughts and feelings about Facebook as it went through those changes that have brought them to the point of deciding who and what we want to see … and how we want to see them. And then there’s the arrogance factor with Mark Zuckerberg. I have taken advantage of what filters are available … but that is not enough and I shouldn’t have to. I did “resign” a while back but came back with the justification that this what connected me with family I had not been in touch with at this level for many, many years. And this is true … but there are other avenues available … like a plain old fashioned phone call … or letters … visits. So I, too, will be leaving again …. and most likely permanently.

  35. You sound like a very interesting person, gtfo!

  36. The other day I mentioned to the wife that I wanted to close my FB account because I didn’t like where it was heading. She blew me off as crazy. By the way, crusing + with the new android app and it is fabulous! Great job Google. Now get to back to work on Reader.

    • Sasori
    • June 28th, 2012

    While pulling the FB plug it would also be a good idea to check out Everyme.com. It is geared towards privacy like no other, by default everything is private until ‘you’ decide to share it.

    • thinkndev
    • June 28th, 2012

    Facebook was once a playpen for those social-minded people who revel in other people’s experiences and content. No longer is that the case. The purpose of Facebook, the new ghetto, is truly dying.

    • Rob
    • June 28th, 2012

    I joined Facebook just a couple years ago so I could watch a tech video (that wound up blowing). I have never posted to it and only went there once more to “like” a friend’s business. I find no need for it and have trouble understanding why anyone else uses it.

    I DO, however, visit Google+ every day where I follow technical people. I treat it as a better Twitter (which I rarely use either).

    • krpalospo
    • June 28th, 2012

    I’ve been without facebook for 3 years and my life doen’t change nothing happend facebook is crap and the people can leave without social network

  37. He’ll be back. I’ve tried doing this 3 times.

  38. I have had to cut myself off from Facebook because my “friends” and I don’t agree on politics and religion. I made a post one day regarding politics and came back and had my “friends” arguing with one another and it got really ugly. There were 46 comments. These people don’t even know each other. It just got ugly. I can either spill a bunch of fluff or not post how I really feel. Disappointing. Enjoyed your comment.

  39. Yeah… I’m still pondering my place in Facebook… I too have noticed I get a stream of news I don’t relate to or it is a lot of fluff and happy mask stuff. Have just signed up to Pinterest to see if that is any more interesting. Having said that… I do find that it is ususally a few core friends that bounce around with me commenting on each other’s posts. Good luck with find your way back into meaningful friendships via social media. M x

    • Vicente
    • June 28th, 2012

    You are sooo right! :)

  40. Good points. There was a presentation on TED by Sherry Turkle called “Connected, but alone?”. She discussed how a heavy use of social networking is actually damaging. She gave several examples, such as how it produces a fake image of us. We are careful to post the good stuff, but don’t show the ugly parts of our lives. It’s clean, and perfect, and there’s no mess, no humanity. The result of this is depression in people who believe that everyone’s life is much better than theirs.
    It’s an extremely good presentation, and I seriously recommend it.

    The following quote from her is what gave me a heavy dose of cognitive dissonance: “Texting, email, posting, all of these things let us present the self as we want to be. We get to edit, and that means we get to delete, and that means we get to retouch, the face, the voice, the flesh, the body… Human relationships are rich and they’re messy and they’re demanding. And we clean them up with technology. And when we do, one of the things that can happen is that we sacrifice conversation for mere connection. We short-change ourselves. And over time, we seem to forget this, or we seem to stop caring.”

    • Danielle Marie Anderson
    • June 28th, 2012

    I totally agree. However, I can’t delete mine because I have many apps connected. The only reason I go on anymore is to see if I was invited to anything.

    • I’ve decided to live without those apps connected to it. If those services won’t offer me an alternative login, I’m not sure I really need them. But that’s a very personal choice.

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    Just wondering why took you so long? I left over a year ago and I don’t regret a single dime.

    • tor
    • June 28th, 2012

    I empathise and understand completely. Think of this in larger terms. If facebook directs what information you receive, imagine the mass media. I’m not saying it is or is not happening, I’m just saying that there is food for thought in the larger picture.

  41. VinothR (@_vinr) :
    Retard alert.

    cool – thanks for warning us about you.

    • T Hebert
    • June 28th, 2012

    ..reached the ‘goodbye’ point last year. It’s an invasive Remora of a thing that takes much more than it gives – plus there’s no way to guard against it – on FB, if you don’t give yourself away *your friends will*.

    No. No and no again. Forever.

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    Great Subject, very Intresting great posts outside the box? Mr. Toroscar i got that Cognivive Dissonance going on im not alone on this i see/read. Thanks for addressing this subject. I found this yesterday i wonder who wrote it:

    “The United States Constitution Stands As A Model Of Cooperative Statemanship and the Art of Compromise.” – http://www.Archives.Gov

    • Chuck B
    • June 28th, 2012

    Great Subject, very Intresting great posts outside the box? Mr. Toroscar i got that Cognivive Dissonance going on im not alone on this i see/read. Thanks for addressing this subject. I found this yesterday i wonder who wrote it:

    “The United States Constitution Stands As A Model Of Cooperative Statemanship and the Art of Compromise.” – http://www.Archives.Gov

  42. Absolutely LOVED this post and it really is an encapsulation of the way I have felt for a long time now. My biggest problem is that I have a couple company fan pages that are tied to my personal account as the admin so I guess I am stuck still having an account. (Wish there was a way around that) Anyways, great post! Really loved it and I can only hope someday I can finally remove myself from Facebook for good too.

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    Good post. I have not yet deleted my FB or G+ account, because I login once in a while if a friend says i posted some pics on FB, you should check it out. I was very active in both sites before, but I did realize that things very getting really artificial. I like a personnel connection between friends. So I stopped using the sites and if want to contact someone, i either call, text, email or just go and meet them.

  43. ANyway Internet contact is not a real contact. I can prove it to any one personnaly
    Navis

  44. Hi techsavvybutterfly,
    We have found your blogpost could be interesting to translate for the French readers of our open cource advocates community blog here http://www.framablog.org/index.php/
    Have you any condition to have it translated and published ? please let us know.

    • You have my permission to translate the blogpost to for your community blog, please just provide a link back to the original. Thank you for asking!

    • yoshi
    • June 28th, 2012

    Thank you for sharing your thought. I pretty much agree with what you mentioned. I left FB a while back, as I basically didn’t want to know what people are doing everyday, and for me everyday is the pretty much the same day. I’d rather be with a few close friends.

    • jason
    • June 28th, 2012

    I left facebook 1 year ago for similar reasons. I want my relationships to be personal!

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    Why are you just now realizing this..

  45. Facebook’s value rests in how you use it. I think Facebook is pretty valuable in that it allows you a way to catch up with people that you have lost touch with and haven’t seen for years. If you spend all day on Facebook growing virtual crops you’re definitely misusing it. But if you use it to talk to people you haven’t seen in a while to connect with them, I think that’s fine. Will Facebook succeed as a business over the long haul? I think so, just looking at how entrenched it is in the popular culture, how many active users it has, how many big brands push their Facebook URLs in their TV and newspaper ads, how many companies are listed at http://www.buyfacebookfansreviews.com that do nothing but promote business pages, and how strongly some of the other internet players (see Google pushing the bejezus out of Google+ for instance) are reacting to Facebook’s growth. I assume that barring something unusual Facebook is pretty well entrenched for the long haul. I think Facebook deserves some criticism, but also a lot of praise for building a decent platform. Now, obviously Mark Zuckerberg wants to make money from this, but he’s also delivering a fairly solid product that impacts peoples lives in positive ways and despite their stock price, they’ve got a bright future ahead of them if they continue to do the right things.

  46. Facebook want to make everything social, social my foot, it is one of the most polluted feed ever. Also there is no privacy there is lots of things i don’t want everyone to see. All i see is irrelevant links and publicity, all we wanted was a personal space to connect with friends, all we get is a huge marketing Ad. i joined fb in 2007, deactivated a month back. It too much better to be on twitter. Google+ is also great to follow people whom you don’t normally get to connect with.
    Facebook is gonna die soon. and it will be a painful death.

    • Henry
    • June 28th, 2012

    Technology has screwed us all! Big Brother has been here for a long time! And he’s getting BIGGER! and BIGGER!! and BIGGER!!!

    • orionblastar
    • June 28th, 2012

    Facebook has become a fake friends social network. You add friends for online games and to network for business or work. But the signal to noise ratio drowns out useful stuff. I created a second account for the online games. But I think I will leave Facebook too!

  47. Dude Facebook is dieing. G+ will win the race, trust me. Just to avoid competitionFacebook bought off Instagram, because they know they are not the best and don’t want even a small competition.

    • Cristian Tiu
    • June 28th, 2012

    There used to be a time when companies produced stuff because that stuff aided the world. I am thinking salt evaporators, light bulbs, etc. Facebook could have done the same if they chose to do so – meaning, they could fill the space regarding how we can stay in touch with our friends and what is that we want to know about them. Perhaps gossip, perhaps what they bought, perhaps what they are doing professionally. My take is that Facebook never wanted to learn about what we, the users, need. They do not seem to do research that is uncovering *our* preferences, but instead, research that makes us click the most lucrative links. Instead of Facebook being our help, we rather are the crops that Facebook plans to gather. That won’t work.

    • cassio
    • June 28th, 2012

    Esqueci o motivo de ter adicionado vários dos meus amigos, mas acredito que um dia eles serão úteis mesmo que não haja nada a dizer agora.

    • Natasha
    • June 28th, 2012

    I had fb years ago and restarted it a few months ago. Just canceled it again because…well a dark, creeping feeling comes over me and it feels as if it will strangle me lol. I wish I was joking really but the same happens when I watch TV so I dropped it too. It is definitely tied with the “memespeak”, this insidious, catastrophic feeling and I’ve come to understand the zombie trend as a form of projection in relation to the zombie-like chatter and noise on fb haha. Totally understand what you mean!

  48. Good for you! I dropped my facebook account shortly after I joined.. Can’t see the need and really don’t want to help support a billionare off something that’s not needful.

  49. Well-put. I left Facebook for basically the same reasons. If you’re do inclined, you can dd about it here: http://derklempner.dyndns.org/?p=8

    • Eklctc
    • June 28th, 2012

    Thanks for sharing. I agree with your points. I do not like Facebook and never have. I opened a FB page before it was popular and nothing was going on. Then I closed it before I moved across country in 2008 and, after I arrived at my new destination, it was all the craze. I preferred MySpace to Facebook because of the customization the site allowed and the blog set-up but I didn’t use MySpace any longer either. After about 6 (or 9) months, I broke down and reopened my FB account since that is where all the acquaintances I left behind were hanging out now. As you mentioned, here comes the bandwagon of old classmates, colleagues, family members, and people who just want to be a part of your world (stalker or not). It still never grew on me and, a year ago, I cancelled it again. I was doing fine for a year without FB and spent lots of my time on WordPress and some other social sites that seemed to add a sense of knowledge and enlightenment to my life. Then, in an attempt to vote for some contestants on one of those signing shows, I found myself faced again with letting FB into my world since I didn’t have the phone service provider needed to allow me to text vote leaving me with the sole option of utilizing my FB account to vote. So now it’s active and, though I visit it once every two weeks, I still despise the fact that I have not successfully rid myself of FB. It makes me feel confined and coerced. I mean, it seems the Wall has taken on the form of a glorified Twitter (though I have never used twitter nor do I have an account) and I am in the midst of a forced spiritual conversion due to many of the people I am friended with constantly praising THE LORD. Note*I don’t have any issue with individual choices of faith but I don’t think FB is the forum for fanatics. Furthermore, I don’t feel the need to post every freakin’ instance of my life nor do I care to have to scroll through everyone else’s. With that said, I am working my way from FB. I probably won’t delete the page since it is the only quick way for my dad and a couple of other non U.S. friends to view pictures of me and my kids but there will come a time where I will just upload pics from my iPod or phone directly to FB but will not actually visit the site for anything.

      • Leah
      • June 28th, 2012

      “I opened a FB page before it was popular and nothing was going on. Then I closed it before I moved across country in 2008″

      What year did you sign up? Perhaps there just weren’t many people you knew on there. I signed up at the end of 2006 when I thought it was just another little social website where a handful of my friends might sign up, that would be a phase and disappear shortly (like Bebo). However I’d had a few invites from friends and then one day I happened to see my boyfriend’s account while he was logged on (I didn’t even know he had an account) – and there were SO MANY people I knew on there! I had no idea. While it hadn’t achieved the level of attention where everyone knew about it, regardless of whether you had an account or not, it was still popular.

      Also, no such thing as a ‘forced’ conversation on Facebook. Just don’t participate. You can also stop getting updates from people who post those really mundane things.

        • Eklctc
        • July 18th, 2012

        You must understand my points and FB was not popular prior to but, I suppose, it depends on what you believe ‘popular’ means. I agree…there is no ‘forced’ conversation on FB. I don’t think I stated such. If it was so simple to just stop getting updates from people, I would have done that; however, the people who are posting the items are my friends (real life friends not people from school or someone I sang with 10 years ago) and family so you take the mundane (in our personal opinion) with the not so. Thanks for sharing.

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    While FB is really just trying to get you to click an add at some point, the fact that it enables you to keep in touch with all of your friends is very valuable. Why did you not contact these 3 people instead of waiting for them to talk to you only after posting yet another stupid “I hate FB and am leaving”. Everyone knows you will be back, but will this be the last dramatic post: hell no. Almost everyone has a FB friend like you who, instead of playing along and posting about things people may find interesting and want to connect to, you whine and shit about why people don’t want to hang out with you. You are the reason we need update filters on FB, to remove the buzz kill associated with selfish and depressing posts such as this. I’m not trying to be an asshole, it just comes so naturally when seeing yet another whiny “I quit FB” cry to my friends post. You are the meme!

      • Michelle
      • June 29th, 2012

      There was someone on here who Anonymously left a very mean & nasty comment to techsavvybutterfly. (-It had the line, “you are the meme!” at the end of it). I just wanted to say that your comment to techsavvybutterfly was VERY mean & rude & “un-called-for” and I feel that you owe her an Apology. I don’t know techsavvybutterfly –(would say so if I did)– but I just deeply feel that you should come back on here and offer her an Apology for your Very rude & Hurtful comments. Thank-You.

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    I like your post it is so true,In the long runpeople will be able to see you face and tell if your happy or not some thing that face book can’t do .

  50. If you think FB prevents having “real” relationships with your friends, why don’t you just quit being friends with the people on FB that you could actually see in person? I grew up military & then did my own military stint. If I didn’t “see” my friends (who live all over the world) on FB, I wouldn’t see them. Period. And for the few friends that I can actually see in person, I use what I see on their FB feeds as conversations fodder when I see them in person. Posts are usually just a snippet of what is happening in their lives; so I ask for more details.

    • Anon
    • June 28th, 2012

    Alienation is the fundamental driving force behind late capitalism, it’s what pushes the need to consume consume consume. Suburban life, television as culture, consumption as identity, etc are all designed to push alienation.

    So too with social media. Social media sells the illusion of connection while replacing real human interaction with a packaged plastic alternative that only alienates you further. Get rid of your facebook account, stop screaming into the social media echo chamber, and get connected into your local community again.

  51. First – interesting, and not uncommon decision.

    Second, let me share how I’ve handled fb:

    I only ever added people on fb that I had met in person.
    I broke them out into groups (or ” circles” in g+ speak).
    When posting, I made a decision each time – what group gets to see this?
    The very day the ” close friends” feature came out, I ” subscribed” to each person I wanted to see everything from.

    Those four steps – work for me. The people I care about interacting with in person…well, we make it happen. If this is what you need to do to accomplish that, great – but it definitely isn’t required.

  52. I completely understand you, but did you really need facebook to come to that conclusion? Dont get me wrong, there is no criticism in this, its more of a retoric question. I think that what you say is completely true to every single “social” app on the internet.

    • You’re 100% correct, which is why this post wasn’t about one social network over another.

      • I completely agree and this is a huge problem. I use Friendsignia.com to cut through all of my contacts and the noise that is now social media to see my Top 150 connections (Dunbar’s number). It works like Facebook Close Friends Lists except for you don’t have to spend one full work week sorting through your many connections and trying to decide who is on these lists and who isn’t. Lists aren’t easy, this is.

    • Paul
    • June 28th, 2012

    time for evemi

  53. I could have written this post. In fact, I’ve deactived my FB account twice. Yep, twice. I keep getting sucked back in! The first time it was to send my GoodReads updates to my Timeline (which has been stripped of most other activity ’cause I hate the Timeline itself). The second time it was to participate in a closed beta test of a game.

    Right now, I go to FB occasionally to play that game, since it isn’t on any other site (yet). Sometimes I view photos posted by online friends, but only when they tell me about them on a message board where we chat a lot. I never check the Newsfeed, not since the ticker went live. (Blech.) I’m really considering give FB the heave-ho for good…

    • Lou
    • June 28th, 2012

    so true! More and more my newsfeed kept me updated on people and things I didn’t care about, so I finally reduced most everyone to “only important updates”. With that, I now have very little in my newsfeed, don’t go on much anymore, and am one step closer to stopping completely.

    I’m sure there’s a way to adjust newsfeed settings, but I put an honest good-faith effort into it and it’s a pain in the butt.

    Should I ever create something awesome that serves many people, I promise just to leave it simple and awesome, and not to fix things that aren’t broken until they break.

    • Leah
    • June 28th, 2012

    You could just stop posting about things you’d rather talk about in real life? I hate a lot of the new algorithms FB has brought in too but meh. If I miss something posted by someone it means I have more to talk about with them in real life! It also makes organising things with people much simpler. For example this week, instead of spending money on several phone calls (including long-distance) or text messages between several people I was able to arrange tea with a bunch of friends to see our friend visiting from out-of-town. I get you could use email for that too, but some people (and my husband is a prime example of this) use email predominantly for work and they don’t want to look at their inbox when they’re not at work.

    Google+ is better for photos and videos anyway, but really in 5 years people will probably have the same complaints about it as they do about FB now.

    Of course I have some friends I see regularly – people from work and people from church who I see every Sunday – but other friends (old school friends etc) I can go weeks, sometimes months, without seeing. If I didn’t have contact with them online (and really FB has just replaced MSN messenger that we used pre-FB) I probably would not be as good friends with them anymore as we were in highschool. Of course we have drifted a little – nothing replaces seeing someone all day every day at school – but eight years on many of us are still very tight friends even if we don’t get the chance to catch up for months on end. I also know my cousins who live at the other end of the state better than I did when we were younger. Normally I only got to see them once every year or two. Now I can leave them messages, see photos of what they have been up to, etc, whenever. This is particularly enjoyable in regards to my 2yo cousin and the new cousin I will be getting in October whose growth we would otherwise pretty much miss.

  54. After googling around finding those who share the same feelings as I do, this post articulates my exact distaste towards Facebook as of late. I was once totally for Facebook’s concept – when I started on the site in 2006/07 I used it as an email replacement and a great way of communicating with my college friends. However, all I see today is “incorrectly” used memes, people liking “Like this if you ____” rubbish posts, “trending” articles and other useless clutter.

    Facebook has lost its soul, and thus I’ve lost any feeling towards Facebook.

    • Anonymous
    • June 28th, 2012

    Well, a perfect example of how a good idea becomes rotten when added with commerce…nice shot! Thanks for the enlightened view

  55. true story. i miss the conversation like few years ago… facebook must give us some new cool features…

    • jamesthedisciple
    • June 29th, 2012

    Well said. I remember when Facebook was about connecting with friends – not the world imposing on me.
    sharing on g+

  56. A bunch of people suggesting ways to stop seeing posts on FB from people who post crap. That’s the bit I don’t get. If someone at work constantly talked crap all the time, and I didn’t want to hear it, they wouldn’t be my “friend”. I don’t see why on FB I have to feel obligated to create a huge list of hundreds of “friends” that comprises mostly of people I can’t stand being in the same room with. So I closed mine. At least, closed it as far as is possible – you can’t actually delete the account.

    • actually, you can completely delete your account:

      http://www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=delete_account

      (that is not the “deactivate” you are speaking of)

      but… you would want to prep first, by un-tagging yourself in friends photos and posts… which could be quite tedious.

      If you follow that process – after 60 days, you (nor facebook) would ever be able to reactivate or get your data back. (unless of course, facebook has changed their retention policies.)

      go for it.

    • Chaun
    • June 29th, 2012

    I felt the same way and i closed my account 2 weeks ago. Now i have a lot of free time instead of checking on updates.

  57. First of all, thanks for the post.

    I’m not sure how I feel about this…on one hand it’s nice to see (quickly) how a lot of my friends are doing with one easy swipe of the mouse but on the other hand…I haven’t actually ‘talked’ with an old college friend in a long time because of this.

    It’s so easy (like you said) to have this passive relationship with so many people. I feel informed but not connected (there is a difference, I swear.)

    To be completely honest, I’d like to have fewer of these passive relationships and more engaging relationships. Sure it takes a little bit more time to pick up the phone but there’s nothing like actually talking to someone in person face to face or talking with someone in real-time.

    Thanks for the post.

  58. On behalf of every autocrat, tyrant, and would-be dictator, BOO! Facebook is awesome and lets us collect data and track our “people” in ways the Stasi and KGB only dreamed of. Easy, too: we don’t have to ask for anything; people willingly give it up! http://www.dictatorshandbook.net gives up the details, but in sum, Facebook is an autocrat’s dream. Stay on it and post personal stuff, please!

  59. Reminds me of my first thoughts on timeline:

    http://pyfg.wordpress.com/2011/09/25/my-2-cents-on-facebooks-timeline/

  60. You have a very good point in this. I, myself, use Facebook about once a week or so, sometimes more, sometimes less. Something that you could probably consider to be a bit of irony is that, after reading this, I shared this to my Facebook profile, practically demanding my friends to read it, even though I know that probably 99% of them won’t.

    Just to pick at one thing you said, there is a Close Friends option, that lets you monitor your closest friends, making their posts take priority over everyone else’s. However, I know that’s not the point of this commentary.

    For me, when I meet a new friend online or in real life, I usually want to find their Facebook profile and look at it, but that’s mostly just curiosity on my part. I’m usually more interested in seeing pictures and if we have common friends. After that, I’ll skim a few posts, but I usually won’t delve too deep into it. Even though I like Facebook and gladly use it, it does annoy me how, unless I’m on my Close Friends group, I’m swarmed with updates of my mom or other friends doing well in their games like Farmville. And I have blocked some of the games from ever popping up, but there’s just so many games to deal with, but I digress.

    To get to the point, usually I don’t truly read what’s going on with my friends’ lives unless it pops up on my Close Friends. Occasionally, I’ll post a comment on it, but if I’m truly interested about it, I usually will text them, or if I meet them face-to-face, I’ll bring it up and ask them about it.

    Anyways, I’m glad that you have been able to connect to your friends more since you closed your Facebook. I’m sure that my friends wouldn’t notice if I closed mine, or if they did, they wouldn’t care enough to contact me.

  61. I respect your decision. I wish you well.

    • thaer
    • June 29th, 2012

    ??????

  62. There’s so much insight and wisdom in this, I’m almost speechless. Thanks so much for this, TechSavvy Butterfly.

    Facebook in a whole new light, and a fresh look at their evolution :)

    • thevsquare
    • June 30th, 2012

    join the gang!!perfectly agree with you.do check out my fb quit post on thevsquare.wordpress.com

    • samuel
    • June 30th, 2012

    Yes yes yes….all these feelings and more….I agree…I once posted I can’t wait to see the day where we say….hey, you remember facebook?

  63. I agree. Creating Facebook like environment / atmosphere on real-time is what we need and especially for the Kids.To meet all the close ones in person ,to share things, and create more friends.All to happen mainly on Real-time.

    • Anonymous
    • July 1st, 2012

    I agree. Great post.

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    • Yahya
    • July 1st, 2012

    great post; replica of my thoughts!

    • Anonymous
    • July 2nd, 2012

    you took fb too seriously..i did it too but for entirly different reasons..nonetheless,u penned down your thoughts very lucidly :)

    • Anonymous
    • July 2nd, 2012

    send it over to MArk Zucherburg

    • Anonymous
    • July 3rd, 2012

    I think in the same way about social nets… I don`t want to have a portret gallery instead of my real friends.

    • Dave Pounds
    • July 4th, 2012

    You’re right…it isn’t a personal thing any more. Mark Zuckerberg has a net worth close to 15 BILLION dollars and all he is trying to do with Facebook now is increase that number…SELL< SELL< SELL…human greed always changes everything!

  65. I gave you a link back on one of my pr6 pages, I hope this is ok.

    • Anonymous
    • July 5th, 2012

    goodbye then lol i think this is the best decision

    • muhammadkabeer
    • July 6th, 2012

    veri veri intresting

  66. I am also leaving. Giving myself and anyone who wants to join me until Jan 1st 2013. Let’s do this!

    http://ncm.newcitymovement.com/2012/07/facebook-youre-dead-to-me-on-jan-1st-2013.html

    • Anonymous
    • July 10th, 2012

    a friend of mine once told me that all community websites are a “tool”,i had to agree,but,for some strange reason some reversal has taken place of late….let me explain.
    it seems to me that by the very nature of the personal info posted my millions on facebook day in day out…people seem to be de-sensitizing to any information at all…weather it be banal,everyday,or world changing.
    i do not use facebook a great deal …i have seen the misuse of this site cause much drama and upset….in the wrong hands…i have to admit to not knowing much about what makes most apps and stuff work….im not that tech savvy,but i see this mis-use of personal info(some would say)..lack of discretion…a little alarming…..and have done for some time.
    there is an enormous fascination with communication….but the fascination seems to be turning into a chore(something to do ,when nothing else is at hand) as everyone seeks easier and faster ways of putting their own thoughts out in the public domain.
    seems that yesterday it was wow!….now its become whatever !…i think that any site that is greatly used has a major fire fight to undertake in the future..keeping up with the of the human condition.
    i have felt like leaving facebook times many…but as im a musician i think ill maintain a small presence on there….just in case i can put something out through there…..never know…..using as a tool.
    i think google plus is a safer way of communication…..and from what i can see so far its privacy seems more straight forward….using groups is a good move i think.
    the initial post was most interesting..and many others there-after and thanks for sharing it

  67. great work

    • JB
    • July 11th, 2012

    Thanks. May be worth checking out http://glassboard.com/ . Appreciate the post.

    • Jeff Downey
    • July 19th, 2012

    Thank You ! ! ! I have been wrestling with the issue of having an account with facebook or rather keeping it. I am one of those people who do not own a personal computer. I am sporadic with my visits to the site and like you I have the lets be friends request with people I don’t know in California who are friend-ed from three times removed from someone I really know. Anyway I agree with you that it has taken away from the direct contact with – people. The false face that is put out there for the E community is just that false. The social sites are doing a disservice to society they are causing a great separation actual community. So in closing I intend to delete my account too and be close with my friends, talk to them on the phone, and be in the same room. Thank You.

  68. This is an awful post

    • quanzamme
    • July 25th, 2012

    I feel the same thing about wanting to leave Facebook but most of my friends are there. And the group page where they usually update how they’re doing and future hangouts. Uggh, this is gonna be hard…

    • I’ve found that the ones that I have the deepest connections with just email me directly the updates – or better yet – call me.

      I had these friendships before Facebook and I don’t need Facebook to maintain them.

      Have a few drifted away? Yup. But were they the core group that mattered? Nope.

    • quanzamme
    • July 26th, 2012

    You do have a very good point about people who are closest to you, would find a way to reach you, out of Facebook. But what’s making it difficult is that, Facebook here in the Philippines became some sort of a basic media of communication. Even if they have your number, they’ll choose to send you a message in Facebook. It’s really weird how some people assume that you’re always online. Especially those who are not really tech savvy, they think Facebook is the only portal to reach people from distant lands (like some relatives of mine living in rural areas and outside the country). They know how to use Facebook, but not e-mail… which for me, sounds really wrong…

    People are always busy so they use Facebook to have updates on people they do care about but like what you’ve said, Facebook has become less personal. Too much clutter.

    The question’s not about wanting to leave Facebook but, cutting the connection with relatives and friends that you really care about but are far from where you are. Facebook became the thread that connects us. Anyway, I do still want to leave Facebook. It’s introducing them to other useful media that I find hard.

    Oh and by the way, thanks so much for following! <3 I found you at g+ and you're definitely adding life to my feeds. Thank you for the insights you share. :)

    • It’s been a little more work on my end, to keep those connections. I’m lucky that I haven’t used Facebook to stay connected to long-distant friends. 90% of my IRL friends still live in the same time zone.

      PM me on G+ and I’ll add you back!

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  72. I’m going to take your word for it. I’m tired of Facebook too, although for the past year, it has been an on-and-off thing. Facebook doesn’t feel so personal anymore, nor are the people. There are better social networks out there suited for better connections. Thus, I deleted my account. It’s only a matter of 2 weeks.

    I personally hope to master linkedin, google+, and twitter. Twitter seems great to join the real bustling conversation. And Google+ nails it in seamless integration and complete the package in Google’s offerings. Linkedin is useful to build my professional profile.

    There is a plethora of great networks out there to explore! Anyway, your article was very helpful in my decision. Thanks very much!

    • Loss of the personal was my biggest issue. G+ I’ve got down pretty well, still figuring out how to leverage Twitter and LinkedIn but enjoying the journey.

    • Ktbug
    • September 12th, 2012

    Facebook is stupid. It is not real life and it is too depressing. Look at me in this bikini pic . .or I have such a wonderful life. .ok . .then why are you posting your crap all over facebook. Truth is I don’t freaking care. The breaking point for me is when there was a mom posting about their kid pooping . .that is sick . .why am I wasting my life reading this seriously . .moms posting a 1000 pics of their kids . .who cares . .get a life seriously . .I doubt they could have changed that much in 24 hrs.

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    • Lisa
    • October 9th, 2012

    For goodness sake! Honestly, I bet that Google is paying FB off to make things complicate so as to ween us off of there and to G+…seriously though, Google is becoming a monopoly if you ask me…ridiculous greed.

  75. See, Facebook is fine and all but it isn’t the reality. It’s a ballet dancer who is about to go on stage. You like the ballet dancer in those moments but for the remaining part, you think of the stage, theater etc. Facebook will eventually fade away.

    • Anonymous
    • November 2nd, 2012

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  78. Quit now, before this becomes too widespread: http://onforb.es/Nk7a9O
    So so scary!

    • Buthelezi noxolo
    • December 12th, 2012

    I now no longer wants to share anything with people i used to share with on facebook.

    • moviebooks.biz
    • December 31st, 2012

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  80. if you don’t want people to have a “peepshow into your life”, you don’t have to delete / disable your facebook account. Just stop posting updates.

    • Anonymous
    • January 8th, 2013

    I totally agree with this post. I think it is a personal decision, and every person will need to make their own decision, but in my case, I am also cutting the cord ( at least on a personal account). I converted my personal account over to a business page, and will be using it for just that, business. I realized that my personal friendships have weakened over time instead of strengthened because of my reliance on Facebook versus face to face contact. Just my personal decision.

    • Thank you. It is definitely a personal decision, but I’ve found the last 6 months away from Facebook has strengthened the inner circle of my friends and shed the distractions of others.

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    • Cali
    • February 8th, 2013

    I go in phases about my facebook usage and right now I’m on the turned off phase of it where the whole thing just bothers me. I find it adds to my social anxiety and sense of whatever being that I have chronic fatigue and in real life, I don’t socialize as much as I would like. So therefore all these cliquey people I know don’t communicate with me on their anyway most of the time. I’m glad I’ve finally had my fill of such passive communications and having to look at the same people addictively posting the most stupid and redundant quotes ever. Most of the people I know are always trying to come of as looking spiritually enlightened and all “love and light” and honestly it gets annoying when most of them are some of the most narcissistic people I’ve ever met. With these types, Facebook seems mostly about building up your little tribe to each other and promoting a positive self-image, not who you really are. And then there are people who only comment on or like your posts if you are doing something with them creatively or professionally at the moment. My ex-therapist is on there ALL the time as in on my friends’ list. She offered me some skype therapy sessions, but honestly, how can I take someone seriously who is on Facebook all the time as an addiction counselor? I doubt she sees it…..The more I get away from it, the more I feel grounded in my own body and settled in my own mind. As a “highly sensitive person” I no longer have thoughts of all these screen people in my head. I have room for more important thoughts. I will stay on it to keep in touch with people for creative and networking reasons and old friends but most of it just makes me sick to my stomach. Seriously….You have to know how to use it and how to observe yourself using and then be honest about what it is really doing for you and what you are contributing past pithy spiritual picture posts that just don’t even sink in anymore, because all they are is passing content after a while.

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    • annehodg
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    • ben
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    your efforts and I will be waiting for your next write ups thank you once again.

  108. Like many others, I’ve deactivated my account on several occasions out of frustration of something I didn’t fully comprehend. Something was lacking in this online world of friendliness. And then it hit me, just a few days ago. Facebook is not about me as a person, but rather about an idea about myself which I’d like to promote to my friends and acquaintances alike. I no longer meet people as much and, when I do, there’s not much to talk about because it’s all there – on facebook.

    It’s been a almost a week now and I feel there’s more to life than liking and sharing. Glad I’m not the only one.

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